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Lax Canadian Laws Threaten US (6/27/03)
In a blind rush to become a fully civilized nation before the US does, Canada has announced that it will recognize gay marriages. The reaction at home and abroad was swift and critical. In Canada, police chiefs warned that the move was sending the wrong message, predicting an explosion of gayness and warning that under the new policy, Canada could be facing a "long hot summer of violence and flamboyant musicals."
Criticism from their American neighbors was even more harsh: Asa Hutchinson, undersecretary for border security within the newly formed Homeland Security department, warned that checks at border crossings may have to be stepped up, stifling trade and travel, in order to prevent a tidal wave of high-potency Canadian homosexuality from being smuggled into the US. "Not only does this create a risk of increasing America's gayness," Hutchinson warned, "but Canada itself is at risk from this trade funding the import of leather pants and feather boas into Canada."
President Bush had little comment on the controversy other than to say that he had not been gay within the last ten years, and thus was not being hypocritical by not calling for a reform of laws targeting the private recreational behavior of consenting adults.
(This was written/posted during a flare-up of tensions between the US and Canada over Canada's proposed relaxation of marijuana laws, which brought a great deal of whining and threatening from the US.)